The Importance of Play

Play has been called the “language of children” and “children’s work.” But why is it so important and what is it exactly?

What do you remember most about your play experiences as a child? What nourished your spirit? Was it playing outside until the streetlights came on, or spending endless hours in the forest making up games with friends, maybe it was playing a game of pick-up baseball with neighborhood kids? Part of what makes play magical is the free-expression of self, the ability to lose sense of time and enter into the ‘flow’ state. Children enter into play freely and leave play freely. Play is self-directed and self-chosen. Play is evolving, dynamic, creative, and just plain fun!

I am a play advocate. Again, and again research continues to show us how important creative free play is to the developing child. In our modern world, so focused on academics, children rarely have time for this nourishing experience. And yet play is a valuable tool to the young child’s developing self.

It is through the magic of creative play that the executive functioning part of the brain grows to take on the leadership role it is designed for. (Executive functioning helps us plan, focus, transition, regulate, and much more!) In play children learn to self-regulate, nurture, negotiate, solve problems, be inclusive, use language to express emotions, and experience creativity. All lessons learned in joy and relationship. What a classroom!

There are 12 types of play:

1.     Large-motor play: think running, climbing, jumping, swinging, and sliding.

2.     Small-motor play: playing with small toys or activities like beading, puzzles, or sorting.

3.     Mastery play: this is where children persevere until the master a skill like pounding dozens of nails into a stump until they get it ‘just right.’

4.     Rules-based play: most grade-school children enjoy making up their own rules and the negotiation involved in changing the rules for each situation.

5.     Construction play: building houses, forts, ships.

6.     Make-believe play: typically beginning with ‘let’s pretend’ goes into anything children can imagine. This involves problem-solving and loads of imagination.

7.     Symbolic play: using one’s imagination to take an object and convert it into anything they could need or imagine.

8.     Language play: developing language mastery by playing with words, rhymes, verses, or songs. Telling stories or acting them out.

9.     Playing with art: drawing, modeling, creating music, puppet shows, etc.

10.  Sensory play: playing with dirt, sand, mud, water, clay or other sensory textures.

11.  Rough-and-tumble play: this is a fundamental form of play and one I often see being removed from children’s play schemas. This type of play helps children develop self-control, limit setting, and negotiating boundaries.

12.  Risk-taking play: risky play helps children extend their abilities and master their environment. It is through this type of play that children are able to learn their limits. Most children know how far they can go before hurting themselves.

What can we as parents do to foster this important aspect of childhood?

·      Make sure your child has plenty of time to be bored and experience free play.

·      Let your child lead. Take a step back and see what they create. When you do, you will be treated to a delightful window into your child’s mind.

·      Reduce toys. This one is always a bit counter-intuitive. But think of it this way: when your kitchen counter is covered in dishes/food/homework can you think clearly or easily make dinner? The same goes for children’s rooms. The more toys and the messier the room the less likely a child will be able to engage in meaningful play.

·      Play with them! Model rough-and-tumble play making sure to discuss consent and boundaries before and during the play. Model pretend-play and negotiating rules.

·      Incorporate play into your life. Pick up a hobby, kick a ball, go running, paint a picture. Whatever play is to you make sure you engage in it on a regular basis. If you child sees you enjoying an activity for the sake of it you are giving them the gift of a life lived with joy.

·      This one is worth repeating: give your child lots and lots of unstructured, child-directed time.

References

“With Stars in Their Eyes: Brain Science and Your Child’s Journey toward the Self” by Sharifa Oppenheimer

Reading for Connection

One of my absolute favorite ways to address tricky topics with kids is through stories. A cozy blanket, one-on-one time with a parent and an emotional health lesson. It doesn’t get much better than that! But truly children love snuggling up to their favorite person and listening to a story. It’s a very sweet time to share with one another. It truly is a good time to introduce a topic they may be struggling with through a relatable character.

It can be tricky for kids to talk about their emotions. Think about all the mental work that has to go into communicating your feelings: first you have to feel the feeling (oof) then you have to label the feeling (how?) then you have to adequately (read respectfully) communicate that feeling to an adult. That’s a mental work out! And it’s beyond many children’s abilities. But the good news is you can help them identify and develop language for emotions simply by snuggling up and reading a story to them. (And the best part: someone already came up with all the words which means you don’t have to wonder what to say and how to say it!)

For kids, seeing a character in a similar situation and having similar emotions can help develop their own emotional differentiation (labeling their emotions). This skill has a cascade of effects: it helps kids decrease the intensity of the emotion, which means kids calm down faster, it builds their emotional intelligence, and it builds their communication skills.

Some of my absolute favorite books for teaching kids about emotions are:

- Are You Mad At Me? By Tyler & Cody Feder. A silly book about an Ostrich who is so focused on her worries that she misses some pretty wonderful bids for connection.

- There Might Be Lobsters! By Carolyn Crimi. Another silly one told from a little dog’s perspective who’s quite worried about the beach with the too wavy waves and too sandy sand.

- Weather Together (Not Quite Narwal & Friends) by Jessie Sima. It’s about a unicorn who has a big sad feeling and is embarrassed to share it with her friend. But she soon discovers that sharing her feelings makes them feel more manageable.

- A Shelter for Sadness by Anne Booth. A great story about a little boy who befriends his feeling of sadness and builds it a comfortable place to live where he can visit often.

So get your cozy blanket and a good cup of hot cocoa and enjoy some togetherness while you and your little one embark on the not-so-scary world of emotions.