Showing Up: Supporting Your Teen Through Stressful Times
Let’s start with the obvious: being a teenager has always been hard. But doing it in a world of constant notifications, academic pressure, social media, global news alerts, and group chats that never sleep? That’s a lot for a still-developing brain.
When teens are stressed, the adults in their lives often quietly panic and ask: Am I saying the wrong thing? Am I doing enough? Should I Google this? (Short answers: maybe, definitely, and probably not!)
Here’s what I’ve learned from witnessing and supporting many families as they navigate difficult times: helping teens through stress isn’t about having the perfect response. It’s about showing up—again and again—in ways that help them feel safe, supported, and human. Four things matter most: self-care, connection, talking through the difficult stuff, and showing up even when you feel wildly unqualified.
1. Self-Care: Less “Wellness Lecture,” More Real Life
When teens are stressed, adults often jump straight to solutions:
“Have you tried sleeping more?”
“Have you tried not being on your phone?”
“Have you tried deep breathing?” (they really dislike this one.)
Let’s be honest, if those worked, I would be out of a job.
Self-care for teens works best when it’s realistic and not presented as a punishment or a judgement. We’re talking basics:
Eating actual food (yes, even before noon)
Sleeping something close to enough
Moving their body without it feeling like a character-building exercise
Having downtime that isn’t secretly about productivity
Instead of assigning self-care, get curious: “What helps you feel even a tiny bit better when things feel heavy?” Small changes count. A snack. A predictable routine. Ten minutes outside. These aren’t magic fixes—but they tell teens, I care about you and your well-being matters.
Also worth noting: teens have an uncanny ability to spot hypocrisy. If adults never rest, never unplug, and survive on caffeine alone, teens notice. Regulation is contagious—for better or worse.
2. Connection: Be Present, Not a Detective
When teens are stressed, they may retreat into their rooms, their phones, or a state best described as “physically here, emotionally gone.” This is not a personal attack. It’s coping.
Connection doesn’t require a deep heart-to-heart every night at the dinner table. (In fact, that’s a great way to ensure no one talks.)
Connection can look like:
Sitting in the same room doing separate things
Driving in silence with music on
Watching a show together and pretending it’s “just background noise”
Lead with observation, not interrogation.
“I’ve noticed you seem more overwhelmed lately” lands better than “What is going on with you?”
Your calm, non-demanding presence is often what helps teens feel safe enough to eventually open up—usually when you least expect it.
3. Talking About Difficult Things: You Don’t Need a Script
Many adults worry that bringing up hard topics—stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, or scary thoughts—will somehow make things worse. The reality? Teens are already thinking about these things. Avoiding them doesn’t make them disappear; it just makes them lonelier.
Good news: you do not need the perfect words.
Helpful phrases include:
“That sounds really hard.”
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“I don’t have all the answers, but I’m here.”
“You’re not alone with it.”
Try to listen more than you fix. Resist the urge to immediately problem-solve, reassure, or offer a motivational speech. Validation goes a long way—and no, it does not mean you’re agreeing with everything they say. It means you’re acknowledging that their experience feels real to them.
And if you mess it up (you will), repair is powerful. Teens don’t need flawless adults—they need honest ones.
4. Showing Up: The Long Game
Here’s the part no one loves: when teens are struggling, they may push away the very people who care the most. This can feel confusing, frustrating, and deeply personal. It’s not.
Showing up means:
Being predictable
Staying available even when they’re distant
Coming back after hard moments
You don’t have to say the right thing every time. You just have to stay. Apologize when needed. Try again. Keep the door open.
Your teen will remember who stayed steady when things were messy.
A Final Thought
Stress doesn’t mean anyone is failing—not teens, and not the adults supporting them. It means something needs care, patience, and connection.
When we focus less on fixing and more on showing up—consistently, imperfectly, and with compassion—we give our teens something incredibly powerful: the experience of not having to carry everything alone.
And that, even on the hardest days, makes a big difference.
Wishing you connection during these challenging times,
Kristen McClintock LMHC CMHS
